The second Crusade Challenge has now been announced by the fabulous Rachael Harrie over at Rach Writes. What she says is: Write a flash fiction story (in any format) in 100 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “The goldfish bowl teetered” These four words will be included in the word count.
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional, and not part of the judging criteria), see if you can write the story in your own genre (eg if you’re a horror writer, write a horror story; a romance writer, a romance story, etc).
So, without further ado, here's my entry. I believe it counts in at 99 words:
The goldfish bowl teetered at the edge of the vortex. Five intense people watched.
“Let it go.” Said Jerry. “Who cares?”
Alice replied “No, Jerry! The water will collapse the vortex. It's our last chance to reach our friends.”
“Forget the vortex, what about the fish!” Hilary glared.
“If it goes in,” said Adam, “the glass will shatter and burst out on the other side. We may never get our friends back, but we don't want to kill them.”
Taylor interrupted them. “So, we're agreed. We have to stop it going in.”
Please do check out the other entries. There's a linky over at Rach Writes
Ha, I loved the way the differing comments showed their personalities so well! Very nice. Good set-up of a big conflict here. :)
ReplyDeleteI love the dialogue.
ReplyDeleteHopping over from Robyn's blog.
Great entry!
ReplyDeleteYep love the dialogue you create in just 100 words.
well done
sarah
Ooo, a vortex. How cool!
ReplyDeleteI'm holding a 500 followers contest. Please visit my blog if you get a chance.
You had me at vortex.
ReplyDeleteI'm always a sucker for dialogue too :)
It's quite fun to see everyones take on the same four words. Mystery, love, scifi, romance--all different.
Love it! Especially the way you didn't just start with the goldfish bowl...you made it the focus for the whole piece.
ReplyDeleteThat is great ... I sure want to keep reading and find out if they caught the bowl in time. Plus the lost friends and the vortex; it is all very intriguing!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by to visit and for following me. Have a great week,
Kathy
Well you know me - sci-fi gets me everytime. I loved the way you turned the goldfish bowl teetered into speculative fiction. Bravo.
ReplyDeleteBravo! Very entertaining :O)
ReplyDeleteI loved the flash fiction story. Its something I have not yet tried. Very interesting.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed your entry. You will reach 200 followers before you know it! Roland
ReplyDeleteI love flash fiction, goldfish and sci-fi! A great story for me! :)
ReplyDeleteOoo, lovely. I like the feel and the dialogue is very natural. I was just confused with the "we don't want to kill them" statement. Collapsing the vortex will kill their friends on the other side, or just the fish?
ReplyDeleteThis could make a great novel. :)
Now THAT's how you take something small and make it HUGE. Love when that happens. You went against all expectations with the goldfish bowl. Nicely done!
ReplyDeletePoor fishy, I think he might suck in a bunch of water and squirt it on those characters to dampen their debate. LOL
ReplyDeleteNancy
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium.
It's awesome that you so many characters into such a small piece.
ReplyDeleteNicely done. I'm giving it a skip this time. :-)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely left me wondering how they got into that predicament, and how they'll get out of it.
ReplyDeleteLove all the great comments - thanks all! I'm having a great time reading other peoples' entries. It's great to see the different ways the theme has been interpreted.
ReplyDeleteGlass shattering inside a vortex would not be good. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteNikki
Very good! I like the vortex. Poor fishy, lol!
ReplyDeleteTense moment. Don't let that glass break!
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting way to use the fishbowl. I really liked it.
ReplyDeleteYes...what about the fish! Great job.
ReplyDeleteVery different take on this challenge- well done. I'm curious as to what is going on and why.
ReplyDeleteNice entry, I too like all the dialogue. Dialogue is my favourite thing :)
ReplyDeleteOoh! Vortex! Gotta love it. ☺
ReplyDeleteam so enjoying this challenge how many variations on 4 words ? liked this very much - esp. the conversational aspect, very clear idea as to the different characters
ReplyDeleteI don't know why, but I love the word vortex.
ReplyDeleteSo, I guess you had me at vortex.
Enjoyable mini adventure! It's quite a trying to get this done in under 100 words and you managed to do a lot in the word limit! Cheers!!!
ReplyDeleteI love the simplicity of their comments as they stare down. Great conflict. Would like to hear more.
ReplyDeleteClever dialog helped me "hear" the unique-sounding voices of different characters. Great entry!
ReplyDeleteInteresting way to come at it. Very curious.
ReplyDeleteLove the way you capture each character with just a line or two of dialogue. I bet you chose every word very carefully!
ReplyDeleteGreat use of dialog to convey the personalities.
ReplyDeleteAll the above, plus.
ReplyDeleteWish I had checked in earlier about this Crusader challenge!
Really enjoyed this, Tony... It sucked me right in.
ReplyDeleteI'll be giving you a shoutout at my blog for your 200 followers contest. It might help get you some of the last nine you need.
Hop over and say Hi, tomorrow. i have my flash fiction piece up for the challenge.
Michael
Very clever! One line from each person, and their personalities shone through!
ReplyDeleteWhat an imagination, brilliant. I'd love to know how the goldfish bowl got there.
ReplyDeleteI love the give-and-take - it's very telling. You give great insight to personalities in so few words. Great job!
ReplyDeleteInteresting! You got a lot of characterization into such a short space. I love it!
ReplyDeleteVortex - Cool!. I'm still trying to get around and read everyone's entries. I'm glad I stopped by. Your dialogue was great too.
ReplyDelete